


If You Only Knew

by Phoenix_Fire_22



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Tony Stark Lives, Worried Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Fire_22/pseuds/Phoenix_Fire_22
Summary: For the Irondad Fic Exchange.When Tony and Peter get into a fight over Peter's well-being while trying to help Rhodey, Tony says something that's taken the wrong way.Peter reacts accordingly and tries to give Tony distance like he thinks he wants.Unfortunately this also happens to be the complete wrong timing as Peter is very much in need of Tony's help.
Comments: 29
Kudos: 179
Collections: Irondad Fic Exchange 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Delphic_Nova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delphic_Nova/gifts).



> So this is my post for BookObsessed3000 for the fic exchange.
> 
> I tried having it all up today but due to medical reasons and an abundance of pain for the last 3 weeks I'm a bit behind. I'm very sorry for this! But I will have the last half up by Thursday!
> 
> Also I haven't written in a while so it's a little rough, but I hope you enjoy!

The outside doors to the penthouse in the Stark Industries tower opened from the balcony. The whirring of the sliding glass doors filling the silence of the building as the lights automatically illuminated the room.

Tony had purchased the building after recovering from the battle with Thanos. With the drastic change of half the population returning, Pepper was doing everything she could to help, but being upstate was too out of the way for all the work she was putting in so they managed to buy a new building as the original was still occupied. They still lived in the lake house, as it was much closer to the compound and Morgan's home, but the penthouse was convenient to have when they needed to stay in the city or for emergencies.

Such as now.

"Get off of me. I can walk just fine." He pushed away from Peter and Rhodey's helping hands, limping the rest of the way into the penthouse.

"Yeah, and what, you're going to try and pass that limp off as some kind of swagger?" Rhodey said, eyebrow raised and full of judgement.

"It's a sprain. More than I can say for the juvenile delinquent we've got here." Tony gestured to Peter, his voice stern and clearly not happy, as he made his way to the island counter occupying the kitchen area they had entered into. 

He sat heavily into one of the stools as Rhodey rolled his eyes, the 'here we go' left unspoken.

"Mr. Stark, I just wanted to help." Peter pleaded for the n-th time since they left the convicts to the proper authorities. 

" _ No. _ I told you to stay out of it. Rhodey was handling it." And he was. To a point. 

A prisoner transport carrying multiple inmates had been compromised a few days prior. They called in The War Machine once, never seen before, off-market weaponry had appeared, seemingly in relation to the escaped prisoners. With the help of Tony Stark they were able to locate them. 

Tony still had the suits, but he was officially retired. Keeping them around more for sentimental and absolute emergency reasons.

Apparently that also included defiant teenagers going against his direct orders.

Rhodey had left to stop the men in question. Tony didn't need to help, Rhodey knew what he was doing. 

It should have been a simple in and out compared to what they have dealt with in the past. 

They didn't account for Peter seeing the confrontation while he was out on patrol.

They also didn't account for the extra guy that had managed to evade their sights.

So when Peter linked to their comms via Karen, they told him to stay back. Rhodey's reasoning being that he had it all planned out and the kid's help wasn't necessary. Tony's reasoning being that ever since Peter came back from having disappeared for five years, Tony was paranoid he would lose him again, not wanting him to get involved in anything he didn't have to. Just to be on the safe side. Of course that deemed quite hard when Peter was hell bent on assisting with anything and everything he could. It certainly did wonders for Tony's blood pressure.

"Why?!" Peter said exasperated as he came around to the island counter opposite Tony. "That guy was heading towards a ton of innocent people. I'm just supposed to stand there and watch a bunch of people die if he decided to do something? You of all people should know that I'm not going to do that!"

"Great and what did that accomplish? He busted you in so bad you look like you went in the ringer with pre-Thanos Hulk! You didn't know what those weapons were capable of. You didn't know how to properly handle the situation. If you just, for once in your life-"

" _ Listen to you _ ?" Peter cut him off gripping the counter in frustration. "I am listening, Mr. Stark. And I didn't try and handle the situation. I wasn't trying to take over or compromise anything Mr. Rhodes was doing." He turned to Rhodey, "I'm sorry if that's what you thought. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful." He pleaded to the man. 

Rhodey opened his mouth to reply, but of course with an angry Tony Stark present, that was wishful thinking anyway.

"Not trying to be disrespectful" Tony scoffed. "So it's just me then. Is that it?"

"No! You know that. You know I was trying to help! That's all I was trying to do. And I'm sorry you feel like I screwed things up, but I am  _ not _ sorry for what I did and I would do it again. I will never just sit back and watch innocent people die when I have the chance to stop it. You  _ know _ that." 

"You're right. Of course. I just thought maybe some self preservation instincts were still floating around in that damn skull of yours." 

"Tony, man, come on." Tony stood up abruptly at Rhodey's words. The pain and soreness he was feeling thrown onto the back burner to make room for his anger. He liked to think he didn't have anger issues, but when people went against him- when people he cared about went against him, when he's trying to keep them safe, he might just lose it a little. 

"I am so done with this conversation. We shouldn't even be doing this, because  _ someone _ should have backed off when he was told. I'm trying to keep you safe, Peter. I didn't go through all that trouble bringing you back just to watch you kill yourself!" Tony yelled, slamming his prosthetic onto the table. The heavy vibranium, tech-ed up arm, causing an echo to silence the near standoff they seemed to be having. Lord knows why. Tony thought it was pretty simple to just listen and do as he says. Obstacles be damned.

"Tro-" Peter let out a humorless laugh. His jaw tightened as he looked away trying to compose himself, "Right, of course. I didn't realize I was such a nuisance to you, Mr. Stark." 

Peter's words and tone sounded defiant. They sounded like he's being a moody teenager. On any other given day, it would be clear to Tony that they were dripping with hurt.

But Tony is too fueled up to even notice. 

"Guys just calm down for two seconds." Rhodey came forward, his hands up trying to placate the situation. Sure, Rhodey was worried for the kids well-being, but he was more level headed than Tony was when it came to the kid being in danger. So, Rhodey could see the way Peter was slowly distancing himself through his body language. He could see the guarded look in his eyes, now thinking that Tony regretted his decision. Which was astronomically so far out of left field but neither of them were going to see it with the way things were going. "This isn't going to go anywhere with you two hot-heads going at it like this. We can just talk like civilized human-beings" He continued.

"I'm trying to do that." Tony rolled his eyes before turning back to Peter, "I've been trying to do that, but when I tell you to do something, I expect you to have the decency to at least pretend that you heard me instead of just doing whatever it is that benefits  _ you _ ."

" _ Benefits me?  _ I was trying to  _ help _ ." Peter said incredulously.

"You can help by doing as I say for once!"

"Even though I know what I'm doing? Why can't you just trust me! Instead of trying to control me all the time. Jesus, Tony, you're not my dad, you don't have to wor-"

"Thank God for that." Tony mutters.

Peter doesn't even get the rest of the words out. The anger and determination Peter was riding on was replaced with confusion. "What?" He said quietly. Much quieter than he had before to keep up with Tony's insistence.

If he took two seconds, maybe Tony would have realized how his words came across. As if he didn't want Peter as a son. When in reality he may as well already be. But he loved the kid so much as it was already that if he were his actual blood this would just be more devastating. Though he couldn't imagine how that would be possible. But Tony wasn't thinking, and the idea of Peter not being like a son never crossed his mind. It's just how it was. It was natural. So maybe if he took two seconds he'd understand how that would come off to Peter 

But he didn't, so Tony kept going.

"Christ, Peter, Morgan listens to me and she's six. More than I can say for you, right? Since you refuse to do anything I tell you when it's for your own good. God, I'm so tired of you constantly self-sacrificing yourself! How am I supposed to live with that if something happens to you again? Huh?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Stark. I'll make sure not to get in your way again." Peter says stiffly, ripping off the bracelet housing the iron spider nanotech that Tony had made for him. He slams it on the table before storming towards the elevators to leave out the lobby of the building. Tony knows he should stop him. Should probably apologize, but right now he's too fired up from the image of Peter laying unconscious. He doesn't want the kid to think that it's okay to put his life on the line like that. As hypocritical as that might be.

"That could have been handled better." Rhodey says, breaking the tense silence of the room at Peter’s sudden departure. "You know, like,  _ so much _ better than that."

"Shut it, Rhodey." Tony plopped back heavily into the chair, grabbing at his side.

"You good?" Rhodey asked as he walked over to check on Tony's side. "I mean, as good as you can be after that yelling match and basically driving a stake through that kids heart." He finished disapprovingly.

"If he's gonna be heartbroken because he can't take orders to stay out of the way, then maybe he needs to step back and learn some things before he continues swinging around in a multimillion-dollar suit putting himself in even more danger."

"Well," Rhodey looked at the bracelet sitting at the edge of the empty counter top, "not for the time being at least."

"Right." Tony sighed, reaching out to grab it. "Ungrateful isn't he?" He said it. He said the words loud and clear. But they both knew it had no truth behind it. Tony knew how selfless Peter was. Hence, why they were here to begin with. 

"Tony, you have to know that I don't think the kid is heartbroken because you're mad he went against you, right?"

"Of course not." Tony said. "It's because he thinks he can do whatever he wants and get away with it just because he's trying to be a hero."

"Jesus fucking Christ." Now Rhodey is slamming his hands on the countertop."' _ Thank God I'm not your father.' _ Does that ring any bells for you? Any? Even just a tiny little jingle in the distance?" 

"What?" Tony said exaggeratedly. "I didn't say that at all!" He pauses, "Okay, well in a sense. But not like that and you know damn well that isn't what I meant by that in the slightest."

"Yeah, if I'm level-headed and can take a moment to think of the context and how much of a clueless ass you are when you're angry."

"Rude."

"It's how it came off, Tones. Why don't we patch you up and then you can get your head out of your ass and apologize to the kid."

"He's a smart kid. He knows I wouldn't mean it like that. Wouldn't that imply I don't want anything to do with him? After all I've done for him? Trust me, he knows enough to know better than that."

Rhodey sighs, knowing he's not going to get through to the other man until he's had time to cool off. "Fine. Let's get you patched up so Pepper doesn't have my head when you return back home."

"Wonderful." Tony huffs. He lets Rhodey help him up and together they make their way to the lab Tony has in the penthouse, stocked with medical supplies. 

As Rhodey bandaged up his bruised ribs and sprained ankle, he finally felt the rage he was feeling simmering down. He hated to yell at Peter- or anyone really- but he cared for the kid, a lot and seeing him jump into a situation he had no clue about and put himself in danger nearly made his heart stop. 

Was he proud? Oh, hell yes.

Unfortunately, worry was a much needier emotion. So he got scared. Call him paranoid, but having someone that you care about and that looks up to you die in your arms and then disappear for five years does something to a person.  _ Really _ does something to a person. 

After he’s all patched up and Friday reassures he doesn’t need any advanced medical aid, and once Rhodey’s judgmental glances start to dwindle and he finally heads out to report the mission, Tony packs up to head back upstate for the following morning. He was only in the city to be closer to assist Rhodey. His plan was to also see Peter, see how the kid was doing since he hadn’t seen him for about a week and was going to invite him to spend a few days at the lake house since Morgan kept asking for him.

‘ _ Guess that won’t be happening now.’ _ He thinks to himself, pulling the Iron Spider bracelet from his pocket. With a sigh, he abandons his packing, and heads back into the lab. Might as well add some upgrades while he has it.

“Friday, send a text to Peter. Let him know I’ll be leaving the suit with Happy for whenever he decides to take it back.”

“Anything else you would like to add, Boss?” He glares at the tone his A.I. is giving him.

“You can tell him I’m not mad at him if that’s what you so desire.” He quips.

“Message sent to Mr. Parker.” Fridays announces after a few minutes of silence.

There’s no reply.

There’s no reply while he’s working on the suit.

And there’s still no reply by the time Happy drives him back upstate.

  
  


Tony waits a couple of days. He figures the kid needed time to cool off, maybe time to think about why Tony told him to stay out of it.

He himself needs time to stop having images of Peter dying over and over again every time he closes his eyes. Seeing him fall from mid-swing ending up unconscious from a wary weaponry standoff did not do much to remind him of the five years Peter was technically dead. Or the fact that he had died in his arms nonetheless. 

He hadn’t heard from Peter.

Nor did Happy.

It concerned Tony, of course, until he caught sight of Spider-Man popping up on social media. People thought there was a copycat running around the streets, apparently.

No.

Peter was just too stubborn to take his suit back or to talk to Tony, that he was out there patrolling in his older suit- the one Tony had given him for Germany those many years ago.

“Friday, give me stats on Peter.” Tony had requested after first seeing the posts online.

“I’m sorry, Boss. I am unable to connect to Peter Parker at the moment.”

“What do you mean you’re  _ unable to connect _ . The suit was designed for you to access at all times.” Tony said matter-of-factly.

“It seems my connection to Mr. Parker’s A.I. has been severed. Last known connection was at the apartment his friend, Mr. Ned Leeds.”

Tony cursed. These kids were going to give him a run for his money. He didn’t know whether to ban Ned from all technology possible, or to hire him immediately. With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, Tony told Friday to message Ned. Telling him that he knows what he’s done and to have Peter contact him.

It wasn’t until almost five days after the whole debacle, that he had any contact concerning Peter. 

He would have wished it was under different circumstances, however.

It was two o’clock in the morning when Pepper started nudging at him.

“Go away.” He complained, trying to roll over and go back to sleep.

“Tony, answer your phone or I’m going to throw it in a fire.” Pepper said.

"Don't be dramatic, dear." He muttered as be grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand.

Before he could even get a word out, May Parker's voice was filling the silence. "Listen, I don't know what's going on between you and Peter, but I need you to track Peter. That's a thing you can do right?" She rushed out in a near panic. Tony sat up immediately, heading into the hallway as to try and not disturb Pepper. 

"May, slow down. What are you talking about?"

"It's two in the morning, Tony. Peter's been looking like shit for days and then he goes out to do his crime fighting thing and now he's not back. He's not answering his phone. Ned doesn't know where he is."

"Ned should be able to track him. He's hacked into the suit. I'm sure he's fine, May." Tony tries to reassure her.

"No, no. I tried that. You think I didn't think of that? Peter didn't even tell Ned he was going out tonight. And the last reading he can even track is from hours ago." May said borderline hysterical while also trying to keep calm. Tony runs a hand through his hair in frustration, suddenly feeling the guilt hammer down on him. He did this. This is his fault.

"Okay. Okay, listen I'll find him okay. I'll find him. I'm sure he's fine." 

He'd find him. He'd find him, perfectly well and alive.

He had to.

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can make excuses. I can blame it on the adhd, or the fact that I'm basically allergic to deadlines. Honestly though, ...I'm just absolute trash. 
> 
> I'm so sorry for the major delay on this to anyone who was waiting! Thank you to everyone who read, commented on, and enjoyed the first part. I hope you like this undeserving long awaited second part. I originally only planned on like 3,000 words (6k in total) This second chapter is a little over 11,500 so... I got carried away. But maybe it makes up for the wait?!

"Scan everything you can for Peter with or without his suit. All versions of his suits. Security cameras, personal social media accounts, _anything_. Start with a five-mile radius of where he was last. Do it fast." He ordered the A.I.

He hung up with May not long ago, assuring her he was going to do everything he could to track Peter down and make sure he was okay. Promising to let her know as soon as he found him, making her promise to do the same if she heard from Peter before he did.

He called Ned right after. The kid was still awake, a nervous wreck, apologizing in streams to Tony for messing with the suit- again. His apologies were soaked with guilt, convinced that if he'd just refused to disconnect Friday from Peter's suit, then they would know where Peter was. Know whether or not he was safe.

Tony calmed him down enough to get him to tell him where Peter was last accounted for. But in calming Ned down, it only made Tony more worried.

Under different circumstances, Tony could blow it off like the kid was just being petulant. That he was still mad at Tony and needed space to be a broody teenager.

Except Peter wasn't like that, so it wouldn't matter anyway.

Peter also certainly wasn't someone who would let not only Ned, but especially his Aunt, worry about him. Peter had confided to him once the guilt he felt from his uncle's death. How he had to watch May distraught and grieving and how he felt it was all because of him. He had made it a point to never want to put her through any sort of negative emotion again, so there's no way the kid wouldn't check in with his aunt unless something was up.

"Tony? What's going on?" Pepper questioned, coming down the stairs in her robe just as Tony was about to head back up. His Iron Man nanotech, ready to go with Friday's findings, nearly completed.

"May called. Peter never made it back home." Tony said, his heart thudding at having to ever say that. "I have to go and look for him."

"Of course." Pepper said without hesitation, "Be careful." Tony gave her a quick kiss before running up the stairs and out to the front all while his suit activated, engulfing him in the red and gold.

"Talk to me, Friday." Tony lifted off with his repulsors, heading as fast as he could in the direction of Queens.

"Spiderman was last spotted at this location." Tony's HUD showed a map with a red dot signifying the last sighting.

"Okay, let's go. We'll scan for heat signatures when we get close. Full power, Friday. I want to be there yesterday."

"You got it, Boss."

Seven minutes later, and twenty minutes too long, Tony had landed on top of the highest roof he could find, scanning the area though the Iron Man mask hoping this would be easy. 

After flying around some more for what felt like forever, following any heat signatures Friday would display, Tony finally found him.

Propped up against a tree in a park near the Queensboro Bridge, sat Peter Parker. As still as Tony had ever seen him compared to his usual energetic-self.

"Kid!" Tony called out as he disengaged the suit and ran towards him, having enough sense not to call out Peter's real name as he was still in the Spiderman suit. Despite it being pretty quiet and desolate before dawn, Tony didn't want to risk it.

"Hey, kid. Can you hear me?" Tony said as he knelt down besides Peter. " _Answer me_." Tony then ordered having not received any response. "Friday, are we clear?"

"All clear, Boss." Tony didn't hesitate then to remove Peter's mask. He didn't expect the struggle, yet relieved because it meant the kid was conscious. And more importantly, alive.

"N-no. Stop." Peter tried to cover his head, turning away but stopping as he choked on a gasp, instantly doubling over.

"Pete, hey. _Hey_ , calm down! It's me. It's Tony." He grasped gently onto Peter's shoulders slowly trying to move him upright. Trying to be as cautious as he's ever been, not knowing yet what was wrong with Peter.

Peter leaned back, taking a few short pained breaths before he opened his eyes. 

"No, pl-please." Peter strained to get out, Tony almost missing the words completely. "Go away. Please, go away."

"Pete, it's Tony. Look at me, I'm here, okay?" Tony tried reassuring the kid.

"I- I know." Peter said, still not meeting Tony's eyes.

"Good. Good, that's right. I'm here now, kid. I'm gonna help you, you just have to-" Tony said frantically, trying to figure out how bad off Peter was. How quickly he needed to act, but he was cut off before he could finish.

" _Please_." Peter pleaded as he was checking him for surface injuries, weakly trying to push Tony's hands away but Peter was too weak and just ended up with his hands barely brushing Tony's frantic ones. "Don't be h-here." Peter finished.

Tony faltered momentarily, confused by Peter's words, before he continued again. It was too dark and the kid was still in the suit but he could smell blood and it was going to give him a stroke.

"Okay, you're still mad at me. I get it." He didn't. It hurt, especially seeing Peter in the shape he was in. "But you're injured and that needs to be taken care of. You need to be taken care of, Pete."

"Don' care." Peter slurred out. His weak attempts at pushing Tony away abated.

"Well you should fucking care." He knew Peter had terrible self-preservation when it came to making sure other people were okay before him, but Peter was alone now. There was no threat.

So, what the _fuck_?

"You." Peter said as his head lolled further towards his chest. 

Tony moved him back again into a more upright position. 

"Friday, scan him." Tony ordered, staring worriedly, trying to get Peter to look at him. To tell him, himself, what had happened.

"What about me?" Tony asked, waiting for Friday's assessment. "Peter?" Tony prompted after a silence longer than he was comfortable with. Which at this point, was anything longer than a second.

"You don' care." 

Tony's heart nearly stopped, his head cocked in confusion and all he could say was, " _What?"_

"What do you mean I don't care?" He asked. Where was this even coming from?

"Scan complete." Friday interrupted, "Multiple contusions detected. Peter is showing signs of poorly healed broken ribs, along with one newly broken rib. Infected wound to his right abdomen. Symptoms of a concussion present and his vitals are weakening. Immediate medical assistance is strongly suggested."

"Yeah, no shit." Tony said running a hand over his face. "You better have sent for someone or I'm deactivating you."

"Your location was sent out five minutes ago, Boss. Help will arrive in approximately eight minutes."

"It better be sooner than eight." Tony threatened weakly before turning his attention back to Peter, "Hear that, kid? We'll get you out of here soon, yeah?"

For the first time, Peter met his eyes. The raw emotion Tony saw in the kids eyes was enough to make his heart sink.

"m'sorry." Peter whispered. Tony wasn't sure if he meant for Tony to hear it or if he was saying it to himself but he answered anyway.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Except for maybe sending me to an early grave with all the worry I'm experiencing right now." He tried to joke, but it fell flat.

"No- no worry. B-bet you're really glad I'm not your son now." Peter's weak attempt at a reassuring smile was like a hot knife through Tony's heart. Twisting over and over.

" _Pete-_ "

"S'okay. Don...d-don't blame you." Peter cut him off "All my… my dad's seem t' die anyway." 

Tony didn't even have time to fully process the words before Peter's eyes were rolling back and he was quickly listing sideways.

" _Damn it-_ Peter?!" Tony grabbed Peter before he could hit the ground, laying him gently on his left side into the recovery position. " _Friday?"_ He called out frantically, rushing to remove the suit to look at the wound Friday mentioned.

"Peter is going into cardiac arrest. Immediate response required." Tony felt like he was about to go into cardiac arrest himself. Without warning, his nanotech was fully engulfing him.

"Fri-" His A.I. interrupted him as he saw two lit circles on Peter's chest through his now masked face.

"Your repulsors power are set to that of an AED. Place them over the points I have marked for you. Hurry, Boss."

Tony did as he was told immediately. Not remembering even programming Friday for this, but grateful she knew. 

He gently but quickly turned Peter onto his back. As soon as his hands were on the points Friday had pinpointed, a shock was sent through them, Peter's body jerking. His vitals in Tony's HUD remained the same.

"Again." Friday warned before his repulsors ignited. Tony could hardly see the vitals through the tears in his eyes threatening to spill.

"Come on, kid, don't do this to me." Tony muttered just as he heard a loud whirring noise approaching.

"Help has arrived." Friday announced.

"One more time, Fri." He pushed his hands down again once more, holding his breath.

Peter's body jerked once again.

Tony stared at Peter in despair when nothing happened.

A few seconds later though, the vitals in his HUD flashed, startling Tony briefly until he noticed the kid's vitals were back. Weak. Much weaker than Tony would ever hope to see, but he was back.

Tony sobbed with relief just as footsteps thundered towards him. Clint and Bruce, followed by the team of medics, quickly approached.

"Took you long enough." Tony said as the medical team started to aid Peter, setting him on a gurney to load into the quinjet.

"We got the call five minutes ago. What happened?" Clint asked.

"He went into cardiac arrest." Tony replied sorrowfully, his eyes never leaving Peter as they rolled him up the ramp. Tony and the others not far behind.

"He'll be okay, Tony." Bruce said reassuringly. "They'll fix him up. He's a strong kid."

Tony couldn't bring himself to reply. He almost lost the kid. He couldn't help but feel he still might.

* * *

  
  


Peter woke up to an incessant beeping. It was loud and echoed straight through his head. The sound giving him a pulsing headache with each repetitive _beep_.

He groaned slightly, wishing to return back to the quiet void from which he just came.

"Peter? Hon', can you hear me?" A familiar voice asked from beside him, squeezing his hand as they did.

He'd gotten his eyes open just enough to make out the outline of May standing next to him before he was squinting away from the onslaught of light.

He heard faint shuffling and a soft clicking noise, "I'll leave you two alone." He heard a new voice say, but he couldn't place it.

"No, don-" May cut herself off as a door closed, " _Okay_." She finished and Peter could hear the eye roll in that one word but he couldn't figure out why.

"Peter, open your eyes for me." May softly requested. 

Peter cautiously opened one eye, testing the sensitivity until he noticed the lights had been turned off. A small overhead light remained, giving the room a soft glow. Much more bearable than before.

"Where am I?" He asked, looking around.

"You're at the compound," She brushed some of his hair off his forehead, before sitting down on the side of the bed. Her hand still remained holding his own.

Peter looked around slightly confused, trying to remember what had happened.

Sensing his confusion, May spoke, "You hadn't come home and I couldn't get in touch with you. Tony found you half dead in the park." Peter winced at hearing the name but it went unnoticed by May, "If you ever put me through that again, you're in for it, buddy. Oh let me tell you." 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." He said.

"I could wring your neck, but I'm just happy you're okay now." She gave his hand a light squeeze. 

The door opened and Peter would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed that it wasn't who he thought it was going to be.

"Hey, Peter." Rhodey smiled, approaching the bed Peter was laying in. "Glad to see you conscious."

"Hi, Rhodey." Peter returned, "Am I in trouble?"

"Why would you be in trouble?" Rhodey asked, bewildered, looking at May in hopes of an answer but she just shrugged, looking just as confused.

Peter looked like he was about to answer, but stopped, glancing at May before looking down at his hands that he was now twisting together in his lap.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee. You okay, Peter?" He nodded.

Rhodey watched as May left, closing the door behind her. "What's that about?" He asked curiously.

Peter shrugged, not meeting Rhodey's eyes, "I don't want her to be disappointed in me too."

Rhodey sighed, looking up at the ceiling like _God help me_. "I don't know how Tony's made it this long without me killing him." He mumbled to himself.

"Kid, look at me." He waited until Peter did so, "Tony is not disappointed in you. He's worried. And he's an asshole. So it doesn't translate to normal people like us. I can assure you, he is anything but disappointed in you."

Peter wasn't sure he could believe him. Not that he thought Rhodey was a liar. But he couldn't stop his mind from whispering all the ways Mr. Stark could say he wouldn't want a son like him. That he didn't like Peter. That he wanted nothing to do with him.

"Okay, don't hate me for this." Peter looked at Rhodey, his head cocked, not understanding what he could hate him for. 

Rhodey got up and left the room, but before he could process what was happening, Mr. Stark was being dragged into the room.

_Dragged_.

Like he wanted to be anywhere else.

"Fix this." Rhodey said firmly to him, a threatening finger pointed at his face, before he turned and walked out leaving the two alone.

Despite being still hurt from previous revelations, Peter couldn't help but not look away from Mr. Stark.

Maybe he was hoping he'd catch a glimpse of something. Any small little thing to suggest the man didn't actually hate him. Or want nothing to do with him.

Sure, he was getting care in the medbay _owned_ by him, in the _compound_ owned by him. After being _rescued_ by him.

But who's to say that wasn't just him feeling like he had to. Even though Peter must have caused him even more inconvenience.

"Pete, _what the fuck_?" Mr. Stark broke the silence. Peter flinched guiltily.

"I'm sorry. I- I'll go. I-" Mr. Stark cut across the room his hands up in a placating manner.

"Whoa whoa. Hold it right there. You're not going anywhere, kid. Not with all those injuries."

Peter sat back against the propped up bed. He was confused. Why would he want to deal with him anymore than he had to? Was it because May was outside? Maybe Mr. Stark didn't want to look bad in front of her?

"It's okay, Mr. Stark. You helped me enough. You don't owe me or my aunt anything. I can get out of your way. It's not a problem, really."

"My way?" Mr. Stark said, but Peter wasn't quite sure if it was an actual question or not from the way he was looking at him. 

Mr. Stark sighed when Peter didn't provide a response.

"Okay, right. Still mad at me then. I get it." 

_Peter_ didn't get it.

Mr. Stark was mad at him not other way around, but he was too confused to question it before Mr. Stark continued speaking. "But I need you to tell me what happened. How did you end up in that park? How did you end up almost…" Mr. Stark looked away, clenching his fist against his mouth before continuing, "How did you end up almost _dying_?" 

Peter's eyes widened. _He almost died?_

Mr. Stark noticed his confusion. "What do you remember?"

"I- I don't-"

"Do you remember laying half dead under the Queensboro Bridge?" Peter slowly shook his head. "Do you remember me finding you?" Mr. Stark's voice slowly started to rise, "How about you going into cardiac arrest and nearly _dying_ in my arms? Do you remember _that_?" Peter flinched as Mr. Stark smacked the metal tray next to the bed across the opposite side of the room before slumping down into the chair May had previously occupied. His head down, hands in his hair.

Peter didn't know how he could still be messing things up. He was becoming even more of a nuisance and all he was doing was just laying there.

Peter was out of the bed before he could even register he had gotten up, barely able to adjust to the pain in his leg that was now screaming at him. Mr. Stark shot his head up at the small gasp of pain Peter tried and failed to refrain from. "Pete-" he said in a rush as he rose from the chair, but Peter didn't let him finish.

"I'm gonna go. I need to go." He said hurriedly, looking around the room to see if any of his belongings were there, while trying to simultaneously figure out how he was going to walk all the way from the bed to the door now that he could suddenly feel all his injuries pulsing through him. "I'm sorry to bother you. I was trying to avoid this." Peter took a few steps, lucking out on momentum more than anything because suddenly he was clenching his teeth in pain, doubling over all while trying to keep his weight off his leg.

"Okay, no no no. You're getting back in that bed, immediately." Mr. Stark wrapped his arm around his shoulder and throwing his pride out the window, he took advantage of it, picking his leg up slightly off the ground. 

Mr. Stark got him situated back into the bed, readjusting all the wires and IV that Peter hadn't even noticed were attached to him. Luckily, he supposed, they all stayed in tact, showing how little of a distance Peter actually managed to get. 

"You good?" Mr. Stark asked tensely after he was settled, his hands hovering over him cautiously. Peter could only nod. 

He was trying to be helpful. He was just making it worse.

_Again_.

"I'm sorry I yelled." Mr. Stark said as he sat back into the chair. "I'm not mad at you, Pete. _I'm not_. I'm worried." He took a shuddering breath, "I can't lose you again, kid."

"What were you trying to avoid?" Mr. Stark asked after a moment of silence. Peter looked away, fiddling with the edge of the sheet Mr. Stark had placed back over him. He hadn't meant to let that slip. "Kid, talk to me." Mr Stark urged.

But Peter didn't know how to reply. He didn't know how to just come out and say it like it was no big deal. 

Like it wasn't tearing him apart from the inside out.

_I've been trying to stay away because I looked up to as if you were my da- my family, but you don't feel the same and I'm having a hard time compartmentalizing the absolute anguish coursing through me because apparently I can't be as apathetic and understanding as I thought I could._

Yeah, that wouldn't be embarrassing at all. Wouldn't possibly open up even more of a chance of rejection.

He tried to think of something to say. Some way to explain it better than that, but he couldn't.

So he didn't.

"Okay, let's start simple." Mr Stark said clasping his hands together, looking at Peter determinedly. "You're mad at me."

Peter's head shot up, staring at Mr. Stark slightly confused. "I'm… I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?" He asked with a raised brow. "Even after all that yelling we did and with you storming out? That wasn't you being mad?" Peter hesitated, trying to work out how to answer that.

"I was mad at the situation, maybe. I couldn't understand why I couldn't help. I don't know." he pauses, "After I thought about it I could see where you were coming from, but… I'm not mad at you, Mr. Stark." 

_Maybe I was mad at myself for thinking I had it better than I do._ He thinks to himself sullenly. 

"You stormed out, left your suit, and I haven't heard from you in almost a week. It probably would have been longer had you not got your ass handed to you."

"I don't know what you want me to say." Peter replied quietly, wishing this conversation could be over.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were injured?" Mr. Stark prompted. "You were injured during that whole fiasco with Rhodey. You could have told us then and you didn't. Why?"

Peter really wanted this conversation to be over.

"Pete, I'm not angry with you. This isn't supposed to be me lecturing you. I just want to understand what's going on. _Please._ "

Peter hadn't even noticed the tears until one dropped onto his hand. He hastily wiped his eyes. Now he's acting like a child. Great.

"I wasn't-" He stopped to clear his throat. Voice now hoarse to coincide with his leaking eyes. What a mess. "I wasn't keeping it from you guys intentionally. I just wasn't thinking about it. And then when we got back, you- you, uh…" He trailed off, not wanting Mr. Stark to think he was blaming him.

"Ripped you a new one instead of talking to you like an adult? Yeah, okay, I can see that. Look, I am sorry, but I was scared out of my mind. And I know that's not an excuse, but you know you're supposed to let me know when you're injured so we can fix it properly." 

"I know." Peter said apologetically.

"Then why not tell me?" He asked gently. Peter just shrugged.

"I'm healed. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Like hell it doesn't. Even so, you got yourself some shiny new injuries, on top of the old ones that I would barely consider 'healed'. You got a pool going or something?" He joked, trying to lighten the mood. Peter could tell he was basically trying to walk on eggshells around him now that his body was betraying him. Part of him was thankful for it. His eyes were still filling with traitorous tears, while his voice shook slightly every time he talked.

"I want to help you," He continued standing up from the chair and starting to pace through the room, much like Peter's seen him do when he's stuck on a problem like he's trying to jumpstart his mind. "We've been through too much together, kid. And I'll admit I went overboard, but it's because every time you put yourself at risk I can't help but picture us back on that god awful planet and I refuse to let that happen again. If you have a problem with me we can work through it. You just have to talk to me. I want to fix this, but I can't if you don't…" he trailed off, his stride becoming more unsure, "If you don't-" Mr. Stark stopped, staring wide-eyed at Peter.

What happened? Had he done something? Peter looked around, looking for an answer. Did he say something and not realize it?

"Oh, oh God.". Mr. Stark slumped down at the foot of the bed. "I'm an idiot. Jesus Christ, I'm actually a complete fucking-"

Peter was bewildered at the sudden change in Mr. Stark's attitude, but he didn't know if he should address it.

"Rhodey's never going to let me hear the end of this." Mr. Stark continued. He chuckled shortly, but there wasn't any hint of humor in it.

_'I don't know how Tony's made it this long without me killing him'_

Peter sat there trying to make the connection, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure if he just didn't have the context, or if his brain was just addled from his injuries.

Mr. Stark stood up again so suddenly that Peter was startled for a moment before his attention was back on the man now glancing around the room like he was looking for something that was never there.

But just like that, he stopped. Peter watched in confusion and uncertainty as Mr. Stark sat back down on the bed, a little closer to Peter this time as opposed to down by his feet.

"Okay. _Okay._ " Peter thought it must be nice that at least one of them were on terms with everything being okay, because he still had no idea what had just happened. But Mr. Stark continued, looking Peter in the eyes with so much of an emotion that Peter couldn't place, but he couldn't help but return. Hoping maybe he'd have some clarity too, "You said something to me when I found you, and I didn't have time to put it together because two seconds later…" He paused, looking away briefly before continuing, "Do you remember what you said?"

Peter shook his head. He still didn't remember any part of Mr. Stark finding him. If he thought real hard, he could barely make out flashes of something familiar, but not enough to know what exactly it was. Or if it was something that actually happened or not. "I don't remember, Mr. Stark. I'm sorry"

"You said that you bet I was real glad you weren't my son now." 

Peter snapped his eyes away once the words registered. Shame and discomfort flooded through every ounce of his body. No, he certainly _didn't_ remember saying that. And he wished Mr. Stark hadn't either.

That wasn't a can of worms he wanted open once he had left Mr. Stark's penthouse that one night. After he left, he had stormed back to Queens. He was still angry at first, that Mr. Stark was mad at him for trying to help. His comment was only just on the back burner like he was trying not to think about it. But soon enough the anger had ceased, but as it did, the feeling of misery slowly started to take over.

Peter had to stop a few blocks before he reached his apartment. He climbed up to the roof of an old empty warehouse and struggled to keep back the tears until he couldn't anymore, not wanting to do so at home and alert May that anything was wrong.

Perhaps it would have been cathartic to let it all out then, but he didn't. He put everything he could into calming down, closing off that particular emotion. He tried pushing it back out of his mind. Though, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop hearing Mr. Stark's words repeating over and over again. Eventually they started to shift to things Peter knew he didn't even say, but the mind can be a terrible thing.

He started imagining that Mr. Stark regretted having him on the team. Regretted having brought him back after Thanos.

That he regretted having ever met him at all.

So he decided to put a nail in that part of his life. The part of his life that was now so ingrained in him. A second family that apparently had only been one-sided this whole time. 

By the next morning, Peter had made the decision to stay away from Mr. Stark. He didn't want to bother him any longer. And while the night before, that could have been driven out of anger, it was then just out of grief.

Though part of him had wondered if he was doing it to benefit Mr. Stark, or his own selfish reasoning of not wanting to feel like he had the floor ripped out from under him again.

So he stayed away. He went out in the older version of his Spider-Man suit. He couldn't bring himself to go back to the first one he'd used. It just wasn't practical. So he used the one Mr. Stark had given him for Germany. He had convinced Ned to remove Karen from the suit, not wanting the constant reminder even though it would certainly be an adjustment. Luckily his old web shooters worked just as well to get the job done.

The next few days were spent going to school and then trying to occupy as much of his time patrolling so he didn't have to sit at home and wallow in his own misery.

May was working late that week so he didn't have to worry about her questioning him too much.

If he had given it any thought, he would realize it wasn't a healthy coping mechanism. That immersing himself in crime fighting so he could forget about his problems wasn't a good call. Part of him knew this, deep down, but the bigger part was just trying to ignore any sense of logic. The bigger part which was just trying to avoid his own feelings.

Which meant after the constant stress and exhaustion he had put himself through, it was only a matter of time until someone could get the drop on him. It also hadn't helped that he was still dealing with his injuries from the night-that-went-to-shit. 

When he had jumped in to help Rhodey, he wasn't prepared. Which of course he couldn't admit to at the time because Mr. Stark would have smothered him in I-told-you-so's. He just wanted to help. That's all he wanted to do.

He didn't want to get slashed in the side with some crazy weird electronic knife thing. _Whatever the hell that was._ Nor did he want said slash to distract him enough to get absolutely decked by two muscular criminals. Peter is strong enough, normally he would have been able to take it, but he was distracted and _man_ did that wound hurt.

He had been too focused on trying to get the situation under control to put much thought into his injuries. Then a furious Mr. Stark showed up, had gotten injured himself, and then told Peter how he really felt. The injuries just weren't a main concern of his at that point. Plus, he thought, he healed fast. He'd be fine. He'd go to sleep and the next morning he'd be good as new.

Except he wasn't.

On top of trying to quell his emotional turmoil, Peter woke up in even more pain than the night before. He figured maybe the injuries were just a little worse than he had thought. He'd be good by the end of the day.

But time kept going and his injuries weren't getting any better. It was only when he was laying half dead in an alley that he'd realized he had probably just stressed himself out so much that his healing wasn't working correctly.

Which was a little too late of a realization because he kept going out on patrol. Kept trying to help the city and to keep his mind of his own personal issues.

So he kept on going. Unbeknownst to him, his ribs were finally healing but they weren't healing into the right position. The wound in his side was inflamed and infected eventually making him sick. But Peter couldn't get sick anymore. He healed. He'd be fine.

He could take down those muggers in the alley, no problem. He'd done it hundreds of times. 

Except he'd never been this bad off before. The three men also decided they wanted to try and take their stand against Spider-Man. It was known that no one ever could before, but they were cocky. Turned out it was their lucky day!

They pummeled Peter in so badly that he couldn't tell which way was up. After they left him there bleeding and battered, he struggled to get up and go home. He only remembered making it about half way before nothing.

Enter the park and Mr. Stark, apparently.

Cue him bringing up the very thing he tried so hard, yet not well, to squash down so he'd forget it ever happened.

Cue the monitors next to Peter's head slowly getting louder and louder.

"Peter!" Mr. Stark's voice broke through his thoughts, looking like it wasn't the first time he tried to get his attention. "Pete, what's wrong?" Mr. Stark's worried gaze flickered back and forth between Peter and the monitor before finally settling on Peter. "Hey. _Hey_. Listen to me, you've got to calm down." 

Like a switch being flipped, he was instantly aware of how shallow his breathing had become. How his hands were shaking.

How annoying he must be right now.

"I- Mr. Stark… I'm sor- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He forced out through stuttering breaths.

Mr. Stark gently gripped Peter's shoulders in his hands, looking at him nearly panicked. "Kid, it's okay. It's _okay._ You have nothing to be sorry for." 

Mr. Stark looked away briefly, holding a hand up. Presumably to someone at the door, but Peter didn't look to see who was there. He couldn't pull his focus off Mr. Stark, searching for a tell. Something to prove that he was lying.

That he had _everything_ to be sorry for.

That he couldn't stop disappointing the man.

That he couldn't be someone Mr. Stark would want as a son.

"Peter! You've got to calm down. _Please-_ " He grabbed Peter's hand in his, but for some reason that just made it worse. Peter didn't deserve his comfort. "Okay, _okay_. Do it!"

Peter was confused by the demand, and then by the footsteps approaching rapidly.

He saw someone he didn't recognize approach the bed reaching for something behind him.

Within a few moments he was struggling to keep his eyes open, the last thing he noticed were tears in Mr. Stark's eyes.

Must be the lighting.

  
  
  
  


* * *

Waking up was a much different experience than what he last remembered. 

Peter didn't wake up like he normally did. Where he could remember dreaming and the fact that he was asleep. Instead it was like he blinked and things were just different, except he was much calmer than he had been before. His heart didn't feel like it was being crushed- not medically, but emotionally. Maybe medically would have been easier to handle. Instead he panicked, that much he knew.

He looked around expecting to see Mr. Stark, bracing himself for the shame he'd see in the other man's eyes. Instead he saw May, sitting in the chair she had previously occupied. The one Mr. Stark had been in earlier- who was now nowhere to be seen. 

"Hey, honey." May greeted him. She was smiling softly, but the concern in her eyes was prominent.

Peter tried to respond, coughing instead at the unexpected dryness in his mouth. May grabbed a pitcher and a cup from the metal tray that was now back in its normal upright position. Filling the cup and putting a straw in, she held it up to Peter who drank from it greedily. Thankful when the water soothed his throat allowing him to actually talk after clearing his throat a bit.

He meant to say hello. He meant to ask what had happened and why he passed out. Though he kind of already knew it wasn't quite what happened. He wanted to ask where Mr. Stark went. At the same time, he wasn't sure if he actually wanted to know. He wanted to ask when he could go home. If he was okay.

Instead, he said this…

"He hates me."

Peter didn't even register the words right away. They just came tumbling out of his mouth. Not at all what he had intended to say. To ever say.

It wasn't until May's expression turned to shock, her mouth dropping slightly before she scrambled to get closer to Peter and grabbing his hand, did he finally realize what he had said.

Once the realization hit, it was like he lost all control of himself. The hollow ache inside of him spilled out in uncontrollable tears. It took everything in him to keep it at that. To not let them turn into the anguished sobs his mind and body ached for. For just a little relief.

" _What?_ Peter, no. _No,_ of course he doesn't hate you." May said with more conviction than he's ever heard. But May can't always be right.

Peter shrugged half-heartedly, wiping at his eyes then pressing against them with the heels of his hands to try and stop the oncoming flow.

"Can we go home?" He asked desperately.

"Not yet, you're still healing." She said apologetically.

"I can heal at home. Please, I want to go home."

"Peter, I need you to listen to me, okay?" May said gently, moving to sit on the bed beside Peter, still holding his hand comfortingly. "Tony does not hate you. I promise you that." Peter looked away. He wanted nothing more than to believe it, but he wasn't so sure he could.

"He told me what happened" She continued, "He told me what happened last week. How he was worried and reacted poorly. He told me what happened when he found you, how you told him something that he took too long to put together." Peter wasn't sure if he should feel embarrassed by her knowing, so he tried not to feel anything at all. 

"Pepper told me once, that after the blip, Tony was distraught over losing you. That every time he saw something that reminded him of you, she'd have to pull him out of his grief. And that once you were back, he was happier than she had ever seen him. Peter, I love you more than you could ever understand. After Ben… after finding out you were Spiderman, I worry about you _constantly_. I always felt like I was overbearing and I tried not to shelter you and throw you into a bubble to keep you safe like I wanted. 

"But then I met Tony. And his worry transcends anything I could imagine and even though there's no way he could ever love you more than I ever will… there is absolutely no doubt in this world that he loves you like you're his own son."

"That's not what he said, May." Peter replied quietly, partially unsure now at this point. Her words were convincing, but she hadn't been there. 

"But is it what he meant? There's three sides to every story and sometimes we misinterpret things by accident despite what the other person actually means. It doesn't help that you two were arguing at the time. I'm not saying you were wrong, Peter, and I'm not saying he was right. You two were just on different pages and you need to talk with him to get back to the right one."

Peter opened and closed his mouth, struggling to respond, but he didn't know how. He didn't know how to push past the negativity that was swarming in his head since his fight with Mr. Stark. He didn't know if he could risk believing May, just to find out he had been right all along.

He'd rather break all his ribs than go through that kind of rejection again.

"Do you trust me?" May asked.

"What? Of course I trust you. Wh-"

"Then I need you to listen to me and get out of your own head for a moment, okay?" She waited until Peter gave a small nod before continuing. "Ben couldn't replace your father-" Peter tensed suddenly and May gripped his hand tighter, reassuringly. "And no one will ever replace your uncle. Just like no one will ever replace Tony, who I can assure you is not going anywhere. I don't know if you even see it, but that man is like a third father to you. No matter how much it stresses me out that it's Iron Man of all people. I know given the circumstances, you have your doubts, Peter, but if you can find a way to look past that you can see he thinks of you as his own son. Do you know how many times I've had to fight him on parental decisions? It's _insane_." May laughed.

When Peter didn't say anything, May made a move to stand up, "How about I go and see about getting you something to eat? Maybe give you a few minutes to think things over, yeah?"

But before she could pull her hand away, Peter held on, suddenly feeling like he should say something while he still felt he could bring himself to do so. May stood by waiting for Peter to make the next move.

"I- I, um…" Peter squeezed his eyes shut, huffing out a short sigh of annoyance at himself. He could do this, it was just May. Before he could retreat back into his own mental walls, he went for it. "May, I'm scared." He finally admitted. It was quiet, almost a whisper that May had to almost strain to hear, but she heard it and it was out there. She sat back down beside him and waited for him to go at his own pace now.

Peter gave a shuddering breath, looking to May and away, back to May... and away again. He knew she'd be supportive no matter what he said, but that wasn't the problem. He didn't want to say what he was thinking out loud and then have them end up being true. He already thought and felt like it was, though May's words were slowly trying to pick through his thoughts. But keeping the thoughts to himself left him somewhat safe. If he didn't say them, people wouldn't know how hurt he could be, how vulnerable he was. But this was May and they'd been through so much together.

"I know- I know you're probably right. That maybe it's just a misunderstanding but what if… what if it's not? I know it's not the same. Mr. Stark is still a-alive. I don't know how to go from thinking we had it one way and then having that just be gone. Which would be my own fault. I shouldn't have assumed anything" Peter can barely make out May shaking her head in disagreement through his tear-filled vision before he choked on a sob that he quickly tries to stifle.

"May, I don't want to lose him. I don't know if I can handle that again." Peter looked desperately at his aunt, willing her to tell him that that would never happen. Unfortunately, life is rough and he knows far too well you can't keep someone around forever.

May grabbed him in a fierce hug that he returned all too quickly. He heard her saying things but he couldn't make them out over his own hitching breath. He couldn't hear them over the thoughts and emotions now swirling through his head.

Sitting there, desperately clinging to May, part of him realized that perhaps a bigger more deep-seated issue had been fueling his anguish these past few days.

* * *

  
  
  


It was two days later that the medical team and May were finally comfortable letting Peter go home as his enhanced healing had finally kicked in. 

Well, actually, the doctors told Peter he could technically go home the day before but May wanted him to be safe and made him stay an extra day despite his protests. He slept through most of it, both from his body trying to finish healing and from the emotional exhaustion he had put himself through.

Because he slept so much, he wasn't sure if Mr. Stark had come by to visit him at any other point. If he did, it wasn't while Peter was awake and Peter felt too embarrassed to ask May.

Happy had stopped in to give May and Peter a ride back to Queens. Peter held his breath in anticipation when the door opened before knowing it was Happy. Part of him was glad to avoid the awkwardness he was sure he'd instigate. The other part of him was disappointed. There was still the other part, though fairly smaller than before, that thought Mr. Stark just didn't care. He tried not to let that part of him gain the lead in his thoughts.

But, it was hard not letting that sort of thing win, when you didn't think you truly had the confirmation to deny it.

Peter didn't last long before he found himself back in Mr. Stark's presence. May had refused to let him go back to school for a few days. When he expressed that he was basically healed, she told him that it wasn't the physical aspect she wanted him to focus on. In the future, he'd probably thank her for it, but in the moment he didn't really want to sit and wallow in his own misery.

He had made it a full day.

A day of sitting at home, mulling over his thoughts, and occasionally texting Ned. He still felt like he was drowning, though. 

No matter how much he tried to push past it and forget about those feelings like he had before he put his Spiderman crime fighting abilities to shame, he just couldn't bring himself back to that point. Not with May's influence on him. Not with the potential for a better outcome. And not with the realization that manifested his own insecurities and quite possibly made a mountain out of a mole hill.

He couldn't be sure though. His mind was a traitor that he couldn't trust.

He had to be an adult. Show some responsibility. Own up to his insecurities and try to fix the problems he was facing instead of bottling them up.

Or at least this is what he kept repeating to himself so he wouldn't do what he actually wanted, which was to crawl back into bed until it was time to continue living his life. With, or without, a certain someone in the mix.

So, he waited that full day. 

May had returned to work, so that gave Peter the time to debate with himself on how to approach his situation. 

He eventually texted Happy asking for a ride so that he couldn't use an excuse to turn around and go home. At the same time though, he asked Happy to keep it between them… just in case Happy let him use it as an excuse to turn around and go home. He knew deep down though, that Happy would make him carry on with it though. But he felt like he needed that security. 

"Friday, where's Mr. Stark?" Peter asked as he entered the compound that Mr. Stark had finally returned to. He entered through the designated entrance for the Avengers, not sure if he still counted, but it was the only entrance he was familiar with.

"Boss is currently in the main lab. Would you like me to let him know that you are here?" The AI asked.

"No, uh, no that's- Am I allowed up there?" He asked as he approached the elevators.

"Of course, Peter. You have had full access since your second visit to the facility." 

"I just… I wasn't sure if things might have changed." Peter replied unconfidently. 

Friday opened the elevator doors for Peter and set the appropriate floor level as he stepped in. "Boss will be happy to see you. I will not announce your presence unless you change your mind."

In the beginning, Friday had always announced Peter's presence but after Thanos, when Peter was around much more often, Mr. Stark felt it was unnecessary to hear every time since he said he trusted Peter anyway and was giving him full access to the labs regardless.

Peter usually always texted Mr. Stark when he was coming, but he couldn't bring himself to this time around, in case he changed his mind. Even up until the very last possible second.

Which he was still considering doing as he approached the doors to the lab. He was just about to enter the code to get in when he snatched his hand back, reconsidering.

With a sigh, though, he forced himself to enter the code. Forced himself to enter the lab.

"Morgan, I told you if you entered the lab again without my permission I was going to sell you to the circus." Mr. Stark said, placing the tools he was holding down and turning to face the door. Freezing when he did so. "You're not Morgan."

"I'm not Morgan." Peter shrugged, not having made it any further into the room than a foot from the door.

"You… you look better." Mr. Stark said, standing from the table he was at, taking a few cautious steps forward but still at a distance. Peter couldn't help but notice. Physical distance, emotional distance. Was there any other kind of distance he should prepare for? Granted, the emotional distance was probably more on him than Mr. Stark. Evidently. "It's good to see you up and about. I was beginning to forget how much shorter you were than me." He joked, but Peter could see the caution in it and he hated feeling like it was all his fault. He just wanted things to be how they were before.

"I, uh, I wanted to thank you. For helping me. And- and finding me and letting your doctors help me." Peter said instead of acknowledging the joke. He wasn't mad at it, but he still felt too emotional and he just wanted everything to be normal again… or better.

"Kid, you don't have to thank me for that." Peter couldn't miss the almost devastating look in the man's eyes.

"I didn't see you before I left." He didn't mean it accusingly, but he was stalling apparently. For someone who wanted things to be settled so quickly, he sure wasn't doing what he came there to do.

"I wanted to. I was worried that- … I didn't want to- after what happened- I didn't want to have your healing decline, so I thought I'd give you space, you know." Peter had never seen him less composed. It was very unfamiliar and Peter couldn't help but feel responsible.

"That wasn't your fault, Mr. Stark." The other man just shrugged. "Can we talk?"

Instead of a sarcastic remark that Peter would have expected any other time- maybe not so much nowadays- he gestured to the chair opposite of where he had been sitting. The same chair Peter had occupied many a time that now just seemed a little daunting.

Peter approached the chair, nodding slightly to Mr. Stark in polite thanks as he sat down. Mr. Stark sitting down where he was before, silently waiting for Peter to speak.

"I'm-... I want to apologize." Peter said after what felt like too long of a silence.

"Pete-"

"No," Peter cut him off, knowing the man well enough to know he was going to tell him he didn't need to apologize. "I- uh, I should have listened to you. I wanted to help, but I didn't know the situation and I could have made it so much worse. I'm sorry."

"Okay, I need you to know this. I wasn't worried about you messing up the mission. I was worried about you getting hurt." Mr. Stark clarified.

Peter could only nod, not knowing how to reply. He fiddled with the edges of his hoodie sleeves, something he would do subconsciously when he was anxious. A habit Mr. Stark was aware of judging by the way he was looking at Peter.

"Talk to me, kid." Mr. Stark pleaded softly.

Peter tried.

_God,_ did he try.

Every time he tried to open his mouth to speak, he just couldn't bring himself to say any of what he was thinking. Or _thought._ Because at the moment, he wasn't sure if he was really thinking anything at all. Or nothing specific, at least. He couldn't keep track of all the thoughts swirling through his mind. Most of it, he was trying to block out.

Where did he start?

What if he said something and it just made things worse?

What if Mr. Stark got mad, told him to leave?

Peter knew he was thinking irrationally based on all the emotions he could see in Mr. Stark. He didn't look like he had an ounce of anger in him at the moment. Just concern.

But there was always a possibility. 

"You know, when Pepper was pregnant she acted like I was going to be an anxious mess." Mr. Stark said. Peter was confused, but he waited for him to continue. "She thought I was going to be one of those dad's that turned into a complete airhead that didn't know how to function with a child. And to be honest, I would have thought the same. Don't get me wrong, I was still nervous. I've never held a baby in my life. Women have that maternal instinct, right? Men kind of have to learn how to be a dad. So I was prepared for that- to have to learn what to do and how to handle all these new situations I was going to be in. It wasn't until after Morgan was born that I realized the true difference between raising a child and being a father.

Peter, I didn't need to _learn_ how to be a father, because I realized I _already_ had a kid. A selfless self-sacrificing teenager that I worry about _constantly_ to no end, but whom I love with every ounce of my existence." 

"You said you were glad I wasn't your son, Mr. Stark." Peter said shakily. He wasn't trying to be accusatory, but he was trying to make sure all the pieces were aligned. That there were no misunderstandings. Also he was still trying to process what Mr. Stark was saying. 

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" Peter felt a tug in his chest, a grasp on his lungs for a second before he continued, "I'm not a man of words, Pete. I mean, I speak a lot. Far too much from what I'm told. But I'm pretty shit at what I say, especially when I'm not thinking… when I'm out of my mind with worry.

"It was a dumb thing to say. 'Thank God you're not my son'," Peter couldn't help but wince at the words, bringing him back to that moment. It wasn't a pleasant time. One he hoped he could soon forget.

"To be fair, I think I had just said you weren't my father."

"To be fair, I'm a colossal asshole. Pepper reminds me all the time. Rhodey, too." Mr. Stark sighed, running a hand through his hair before turning his attention back to Peter. "When I said what I did, it was because I thought that if you were my own biological child, that worrying about you would be so much harder than it already was. Which I didn't think was even possible. And let me tell you, it's not. Especially when you're using what you normally use as weapons to try and restart the heart of the kid dying in your arms. I feel like I'm at max level of worrying every time. Until something happens, then I'm proven wrong. I don't like to be wrong, kid."

"May told me- basically that, that you- but I wasn't sure if it was true."

"And that's my fault and I am so sorry for that." Mr. Stark said reaching across the table and gripping his shoulder in his hand. A gesture of comfort that Peter wasn't unfamiliar with.

Whereas before, Peter wasn't sure if he could say what was on his mind, he felt like maybe now he could. Mr. Stark's words were still resonating with him, but he felt less nervous than before. More hopeful.

"I don't think you're an asshole, Mr. Stark." Peter said to him as he settled back in his chair, hands clasped on the table in front of him as Peter resumed his sleeve fiddling. Though, not as aggressively as before.

"I wasn't mad at you, you know. I was- I was _upset_ . And I know you were worried and I'm sorry for putting you through that. I mean, I might have been a _little_ mad in the beginning, but once you said-… once I left I- I just felt like everything I knew had been a lie. I know you explained it, and I think I get it now. At the time, though, it just- it sucked, Mr. Stark. It felt like everything had been ripped out from underneath me."

Peter stops, a shaky breath forcing its way out, blinking back the tears he can feel stinging his eyes.

"I know I've never really said it. Even after everything that's happened, but I- I consider you like a dad to me." He whispers out the last part like he's afraid saying it too loud will ruin everything. 

Peter looks up, realizing he had been looking down at his hands the whole time. When he looks at Mr. Stark, he has his hands in a ball pressed against his mouth. He doesn't seem to be trying to hide the tears trailing down his face. 

Mr. Stark stands up abruptly and Peter panics for a second thinking he's going to leave. He's about to apologize again, to plead for him to stay. Before he could make a move, Mr. Stark had come up beside him, engulfing him in his arms. Peter stilled for only a moment before returning the hug.

A hug he had been so desperate for, apparently, that he didn't even know how much until he was hugging the man back just as strongly.

"I didn't mean to put you through that. Pete, _damn it_ , I'm so sorry." He pulled back, though he kept contact. "Is that why you didn't come back? Why you didn't get help for your injuries? You thought I just didn't want you around, or something?" He asked, trying to understand.

"Maybe. I mean, yeah- I guess… initially." Peter said. "I felt like I had just ruined everything. Or that there was never anything to ruin- that I was just some idiot kid trying to live out a fantasy." Peter stopped, sighing.

Now or never.

"I think- uh, I think I was using it as an excuse after a while."

"An excuse for what?" Mr. Stark prompted as he pulled his chair closer to Peter so he could be level with him again and not try and intimidate him since clearly this wasn't as easy as he wanted it to be.

"My dad died when I was younger. And then my uncle... and then- and then you almost- ... And it was terrible. To know that I was going to lose someone else. But then you _didn't_. So then last week- I think I just unknowingly thought that maybe it was easier that we may not have been as close as I thought. That maybe it would be better that way, because then if-" Peter chokes out a short sob he didn't even realize he had been holding back. Tears he didn't realize were flooding his eyes.

Mr. Stark grabs his hand in his, squeezing reassuringly. Comfortingly. Peter continues while wiping away at the tears with the sleeve of his other hand. "It would be better, because if something happened to you again, then maybe it would be easier to handle. And I'm sorry for thinking that. I'm _so sorry,_ because I don't think it would make a difference now. Because the whole time it just _hurt_. I don't want to lose you again, Mr. Stark. I don't- I can't- please don't leave me again. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you and Rhodey. I don't want to lose another dad. I don't- Please don't leave… please don't leave, Mr. Stark." 

Peter is crying freely now. There's no stopping it, not now that he can't even get a grip on it. His breath is shuddering, the tears are out of control and Peter feels like he's losing it.

This time, Mr. Stark stands so quickly that his chair falls to the floor with a heavy clang, rushing to gather Peter in his arms once more. This time, Peter stands as well, clinging to Mr. Stark before the man can even get his arms around Peter. He'll be embarrassed by this later. Right now he just needs _this_.

"It's okay. Kid, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me." He can hear Mr. Stark trying to calm him down. To reassure him as he cries into his shoulder. "I love you, Peter. I love you so much. I'm going to be here for you as long as I possibly can."

Peter isn't sure how long that goes on for.

He's not sure how long he stands there sobbing into Mr. Stark's shoulder while he tells Peter that everything is okay. Peter clinging to Mr. Stark like he's the only thing keeping him grounded and that if he lets go he's going to lose everything again.

After a while, Peter starts to calm down. He slowly pulls away from Mr. Stark wiping at his face with his sleeve. When he looks up at Mr. Stark he doesn't know what he expects, but he's instantly relieved at the lack of annoyance or disappointment that could have been there.

"I'm sorry."

"Apologize again and I'm locking you in a room with Morgan and making her sing you kid songs." He threatens lightly. "It's cute for the first couple minutes. The rest of the time you'll be trying not to lose your mind." Peter huffs out a short laugh. It's not much, but it's more than he can say for how his emotions have been the past week.

Mr. Stark still had a hand resting around Peter's shoulders, keeping the connection. With a short awkward clear of his throat he pulls away and Peter can't help but be disappointed. He keeps the proximity, though, still remaining close so Peter thinks that has to count for something.

Mr. Stark tries to subtly wipe at his own eyes, but they both know he had been doing his own share of crying. 

"Were you busy?" Peter finally asks, noticing the tools and tech laying out on the table.

"What? I'm never too busy for you, kid. I know recent circumstances may have led you to believe otherwise but don't feel like you can't come to me at any time." Mr. Stark says, like it's obvious.

Peter gestures to the table. "Sorry, I just- you were working on something?" He asks, after recognizing the tech to be his nanotech unit, yet slightly different.

"Oh, uh… yeah." Mr. Stark says, nervously running a hand over the back of his neck. "I thought. I mean, I hoped… that you might take back your suit one day. So I added upgrades. More safety precautions… medical protocols."

Peter picked up the bracelet he had been so familiar with. It wasn't until it was in his hands again, that he realized how much he missed it. Not even just the suit, but all the memories that went with it. He did help Mr. Stark build it after all. 

"I didn't give it back because I wasn't appreciative of it." Peter said suddenly, not wanting to think he had ever been ungrateful towards all that was done for him. "And I didn't take it back from Happy either because I just felt like I didn't deserve it anymore." He finishes quietly.

"No matter what happens, you have and _always will_ deserve everything in this world. Please don't ever let my idiocy make you ever feel any differently." Mr. Stark says firmly, walking over to the opposite side of the table, across from Peter. Tools and tech between them. A scene that had been done over and over again.

"So, what did you upgrade exactly?" Peter's voice was still raw from crying so much only a few moments ago, but a spark of his genius curiosity was beginning to bleed through. Peter didn't notice it, but the older of the two felt a rush of something go through him. He wasn't sure what, but he knew it was good.

Mr. Stark braced his hands on the table as he stood watching Peter examine the bracelet. "Well, for starters, there's a defibrillator in there now. Some things your little buddy can't hack into." Mr. Stark held his hands up in defense at the look Peter gave him. "I'm not helicopter mom-ing you. They're in case of emergencies because I'm too old for all this stress." 

"Is that all you're too old for?" Peter asks almost too casually for Mr. Stark to register what he said.

When he does he glares, "You little shit." He says with not an ounce of malice. 

Mr. Stark continues to tell Peter all the little things he's added. Some that still need to be integrated into the suit's system. Some things he thought of but felt like Peter should have more input on.

"Doesn't the defibrillator seem a little bit like overkill?" Peter asked off-handly. He knew he went into cardiac arrest and that his heart needed to be restarted, but honestly, how often was that going to happen. When he looked up at Mr. Stark he didn't except the pale pallor on the man's face, or his jaw set tight, staring off at nothing in particular. "Mr. Stark?" Peter said unsurely to the man, "Are … are you okay?"

Mr. Stark snapped his attention back to Peter, who could see the man swallow roughly. Clenching his jaw a few times before composing himself like nothing happened.

"Look," Mr. Stark said roughly, "I don't know what you know about what happened... or what you remember. But, kid... I had to watch your heart stop. I had to use my _repulsors_ to restart your heart and that is something I never _ever_ , in this entire twisted Galaxy, want to have to experience again. Is it overkill? It could be. But there is no way I'm not going to make sure there's a fallback in case God forbid something like that ever happens again." He stopped, taking a deep shuddering breath. He was silent for long enough for Peter to think he was supposed to say something. Before he could, Mr. Stark started again. "Peter, I lost you once already. Technically twice. I've lost my parents and then I had to do it all over again when I learned the truth of how they actually died. I thought _that_ was the worst feeling I could have. But then I lost you…" Mr. Stark trails off as his voice breaks, trying to blink back the tears, but they've already escaped. "I lost you and I pray to everything in this damn forsaken world that you never have to experience what it's like to lose a child. Blood or not, it doesn't make a difference. It is the _worst_ thing I have ever been through and it's because I love you so damn much and you will never know how sorry I am for making you think otherwise."

Peter moves before he even realizes it. 

Moving across the table he grabs Mr. Stark in yet another hug, that is just as quickly returned. 

There's no words this time. No need, or unneeded apologies. Just the two of them being there. Embracing the fact that, despite everything, they still had one another.

Peter can hear the short sniffs Mr. Stark is trying to hold back. He can feel the warm tears through his shirt where Mr. Stark had his head. He'd make a joke, but he wasn't fairing any better. 

In the moment, Peter questioned himself on how he could ever doubt Mr. Stark. Sure, he misunderstood what he had said. It would have been hard not to with how it was said and the fact that they were arguing at the time. 

But even thinking back on that made Peter doubt himself, because right then, he felt like he could feel all of Mr. Stark's emotions bleeding out of him and into himself. The pure feeling of love and family. And he knew, because he was feeling it himself.

Was it cheesy? Probably.

Was it necessary? Oh, definitely.

"I think we've filled our quota on hugs." Peter joked as he pulled away.

"Never." Mr Stark joked back, but the seriousness of it was evident. 

"Here." Mr. Stark said, having grabbed the Iron Spider unit and handing it out towards Peter.

"I can have it back?" Peter asked, feeling guilty he had given it back to begin with.

"It's yours, kid. Honestly, I've been thinking of just slapping it on you and making it so you can't take it off again anyway."

" _That's_ overkill." Mr. Stark just shrugs.

"Is it in poor taste if I tell you that every time I see a scratch on you it shaves off a year of my life?"

"Yeah, just a bit." Peter replies.

"I thought so. Just promise me you'll have more self-preservation moving forward." Mr. Stark says as he sits back down where he had been originally. 

"I promise to take what you say into more consideration" Peter says as he takes his seat as well placing the nanotech bracelet back around his wrist.

Tony glares, "That's not quite what I said."

Peter can't help but laugh, a full genuine laugh, and it's then that they both know that things were going to be okay again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there it is! The ending is probably sub-par but I'm not good with endings... mainly why this is 11.5k words haha. Please comment and let me know what you thought?! I'm a sucker for feedback lol


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